All things For Love

Lying awake early this morning, I realized that I was struggling with the decision of whether or not to speak my truth about the love I felt for my partner. This internal tug-of-war has been going on for months now, and it wasn't until today that I realized how absurd it was. How could it be wrong to express heartfelt love to anyone in this cold and uncaring world? While it could be argued that there are times when it is impossible to speak your truth for the sake of others (even though I have made myself sick over this habitual gagging), I realized in this case that it is my past relationships that had instilled this fear in me. But the thought of me or him leaving this incarnation without my declaration of love to this person, whether or not it is reciprocated, prompted me forward. And at the same time, I was able to forgive myself for my past mistakes in love. I decided that any action motivated by the heart should never be unforgivable. It just seemed so clear to me in this morning's first light.

All Things Tea

For many years when I was younger, I studied nutrition and health as well as alternative modalities for wellness. I was passionately curious about it all and ferociously read and digested all the information I could find. Since then, I have marvelled at how often the information changes and how much more is available. Really, armed with just a little bit of knowledge, I now realize it isn't difficult to make wise choices about our health.

When my kids were little, and I realized that patience was not my strongest suit, I stopped drinking coffee on a daily basis because I thought it made me edgy. Everything I've read supports that some people can drink that beverage with little negative side effects, but constitutions such as mine cannot. So I turned to tea instead.

And now, it's tea that fascinates me- it's medicinal value, it's popularity, it's versatility, and the taste. All things tea now consume my curiosity....heck, I don't even know where some of these regions of the world are-yet! There is so much to learn and so much I don't know, but that just makes it more intriguing. Just the fact that this beverage is the most widely consumed beverage in the world next to water tickles me silly. 1.8 billion cups of tea per day are consumed worldwide. Whew!! And tea's rich history and it's many roles-all so captivating.

So as I embark on this journey, discovering tea's role in politics, medicine, religion, the arts, and most world cultures, I will share the other side of this revered ritual of tea drinking- the stories of treachery, espionage, smuggling, slavery and revolution. Stay tuned!

Navel Gazing and the Inquiring Mind

This term, navel gazing, has crossed my radar a few times in the last few months, allowing me to do some inquiry into whether introspection and a life of self-inquiry is indeed indulgent.

Since the beginning of recorded history, all great religions and philosophies have encouraged a contemplative practice. And don't all of our decisions require a run through our filter? And to act and not react to the elements we're faced with each day demands a quiet mind that has, at least, considered a mature approach to many of life's sticky situations. Know thy mind.

So it seems we come, once again, to the question of semantics. What does navel gazing really mean? One would guess it might mean narcissistic self-indulgence, which might have negative connotations if we are judging. But the term self-inquiry has different implications perhaps...certainly it is language often used to face challenging issues before us.

But if all this isn't enough, perhaps the best way to lead a contemplative life without the guilt that you are being self-indulgent, is to practice tonglen....this Buddhist practice puts us in touch with the noble heart. "Whenever we encounter suffering of any form, the tonglen instruction is to breathe it in with the wish that everyone could be free of pain. Whenever we encounter happiness in any form, the instruction is to breathe it out, send it out, with the wish that everyone could feel joy.....In the process, we become liberated from very ancient habits of selfishness."(Pema Chodron)

There seems to be no turning back on the path, once a spiritual seeker begins. For me, the only option is to become more skilled in my observation and questioning. That along with listening and paying attention.

The Trouble With Meditation

I started meditating years ago, when my children were toddlers and sanity seemed as elusive as a bathroom break. My closest friends know that my small walk-in closet was the only closed door my children never guessed I'd be sitting behind, so with coffee mug in hand, I would steal away in search of serenity.


All these years later, I still bring the mug, now with more healthful tea, and sit on a cushion in that closet. The space can be light or completely pitch black, it is very quiet, and is just big enough to lie down if I need to stretch my body out.


But although my arts training has been good discipline in many ways for this activity, I am acutely aware that when I need meditation the most, it seems to be the hardest time to practice. At times when I am feeling unbalanced, untethered, unloved, or underappreciated, my tools seem to abandon me. And when I'm in a crisis, it simply feels like a comical waste of time.


I recognize that I am blessed with a non-judgemental approach to my sitting practice. I've had little formal training and therefore the how, when, why, and where of it aren't very prescribed. I'm not even sure why I started or have continued for this long, other than I know with all of my heart that this is the path, my path at least. I also know that perseverance is key in almost all disciplines so even when I am struggling with inner turmoil, I usually spend time every day on the cushion.


But honestly, the cacophony in that closet is, at times, unbearable. It only reinforces how badly I need the grounding, but there is nothing else to do but observe the situation. There is never a question in my mind whether I should or shouldn't meditate on a given day. I always go through the right motions. But when I grasp for salvation from that activity or any other, it moves out of my reach. I have no babysitter, as Pema Chodron would say. Guess I'm growing up in spite of myself.

Opening To The World...

"The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes."


Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart

Those Rotten Teenagers!

Impermanence..along with suffering and ego, are said to be the three truths of our existence. And although I often pay lip service to the understanding that the only constant in life is change, living this reality has never been easy.


I'm in the process of sending my second child off to college. After experiencing this difficulty once before, I thought this time might be a bit easier. But as the graduation looms, and the celebrations are arranged, I find myself, once again, caught in the grips of suffering.


For many years now, my son and his many friends have tracked mud, garbage, and other questionable items into my house. They have awakened my sleep, disrupted my peace, and consumed large quantities of my food, patience, and time. My home has been the gathering place for dozens of these kids, their parties, and activities- sanctioned and otherwise. Yet in spite of all of this, I am faced with overwhelming sadness that they will be leaving me as they begin life on their own.


My son is practical and strong. Aside from being a natural leader and scholar, he is gracious and kind. I am immensely proud of his accomplishments and know the future holds fine things for him. His friends, my many other boys, have bright futures as well. I hope to be strong through the coming weeks as I share their joy and relief.


I know this is part of the sacredness of life. I have prepared many years for this. Each right of passage and birthday celebration honors the process that has brought us to this place. But it is the fear of their absence and the anticipated silencing of their laughter that weakens my resolve right now. And as they scatter about the world in their journey to become adults, they will leave behind only the memories of the brief moment in time that I shared with them.

Reaching Our Highest Potential

I went dancing with a friend a few weeks ago, and was surprised at one point during the evening when the lead singer announced a song he'd written about his desire to help change the world. Listening to his music in that dank, dark bar, I was struck by how many of us have these altruistic thoughts. It was one of those moments where it was impossible to deny that we are all cut from the same cloth.


My musings soon wandered to how this rock and roller would accomplish this task, and then to my own process around the subject. Do we really believe we will do this single-handedly? Certainly there are instances of great minds who have developed ideas and activities that lead to the dynamic and successful betterment of our world community. But for the majority of us, it may be something altogether different.


Some information that has altered the course of my life includes the rather enormous idea of 'reaching our highest potential'. After years of struggling to discover what that one, singular event or series of actions would look like, I stumbled across a profoundly insightful piece of writing. It suggested that our highest potential was not a single event, but rather each and every decision we make on a daily basis. The places we shop, the consumables we purchase, and the manner we invest our time, energy and resources, all contribute to the impact we have on society. Ultimately, this may be our largest opportunity in this lifetime to affect change.


So now the idea of 'reaching my highest potential' has been reduced to a size that I can now not only understand, but can feel relatively successful at. Though this hardly means that I make flawless decisions or that mistakes haven't been made, I can begin each day with the intent and the knowledge that I am doing my part. All of our small, seemingly insignificant actions do add up to progress in shaping the world we live in. And when I question whether the world isn't perfect exactly the way it is as designed by some far superior power, I realize, again, that I am ultimately servicing the evolution of consciousness.

Consider It A Privilege

Consider it a privilege to be living this day. And you'll connect yourself to this day's most valuable and positive possibilities.

• When there is something that must be done, consider yourself privileged to be in a position to do it. Then step forward and make it happen with a thankful heart.
• If a difficult obstacle blocks your efforts, consider yourself privileged to be able to work through it. It is an opportunity for you to grow stronger and more experienced.
• Whatever life may send your way, consider yourself privileged to be living it. For that is an attitude that will surely enable you to get the most out of every moment.
• Consider it a privilege, and your eyes will be opened to the best opportunities. Your thoughts and actions will be focused on creating real, meaningful value.
• Consider it a privilege to be right where you are, doing precisely what you're doing. And you'll find opportunities for true fulfillment in every direction.

thank you Ralph Marston
http://greatday.com/motivate/index.html

6 Critical Questions About Life On the Streets

I've always had problems with opportunists. I've known this all my life. Situations where one person is taking advantage of another jangle my nerves in inexplicable ways and cause me a great deal of stress. Strangely, I've wondered if, in another incarnation, I wasn't oppressed myself, and the sensitivity is due to that. But for whatever reason, I really struggle with holding my tongue when I suspect a friend is being mistreated. And sadly, I find myself in a place where I lose respect for the victim as well, I assume because I expect them to see the world the same way I do. Questions:

• Isn't everyone is doing the best they can with the skills they have?
• Aren't I attached to an outcome here and need to let go of?
• More importantly, it's not my business and I should stay out of it?
• Isn't my judgment is as unskillful as that of the opportunist
• Am I guilty myself of victimizing?
• Is my ego trying to challenge that of the offender?

They say awareness is the first step toward enlightenment, but I can tell you, I hardly feel superior when a friend leaves me, walking toward the lion, knowing it's not my battle. I seldom change any one's mind, of course, and their plan of action, or inaction, sends me to this place of frustration and anger.


If all situations are indeed neutral, and our perception of them as either 'good' or 'bad' categorizes or paints the picture, why can't I surrender to this more easily? After all, I don't know the experiences that will shape the destiny of another. I'm not the choreographer in this scene, I am simply the audience. This is a lesson I'd like to move beyond because I'm allowing the opportunist to strike twice.

Is It Simplifying or Is It Embracing The Largeness Of Life

It occurs to me that the navigation of this complex life and the promise of serenity if I truly succeed is not a matter of "simplifying my life", as I read so often. I suppose I could say "no" more often, leave my woods and home and downsize to a condo, sell most of my earthly belongings, and even be happy spending the majority of each day in meditation.


But growth conjures up the idea of increasing, not decreasing. It seems my process is more about becoming a larger personality...one that can encompass the sizable responsibility I've willingly taken on in my life..one that accepts the uncertainty of my future...and one that embraces the risks presented to me as opportunity. And although the word fearless comes to mind as a necessary ingredient for this mission and I know it's appropriate, surrender may be the spiritual concept I'm trying to come to terms with here.

What If Hell Is

....when you die, the person you actually were in life meets the person you could have been in life?

Thanks to my friend Joy for sharing this gem.

Health and Fitness A Series

By far, the singular question everyone asks the dancer is "How Can I lose some weight?" So this series of questions and answers that I'm often asked will start here.

The human body is an amazing machine and you can't possibly not believe in a Divine force if you understand the mechanics even a little bit. And scrambled into the human condition of body, mind, spirit marches the ego and it's all powerful wants and needs. All of us know that weight is simply calories in and calories out and that no weight loss occurs unless we expend more energy than we consume. So we are left with the simple challenge of changing our habits since, obviously, if you're asking the question, your equation isn't working for you.

I'm unable to tell you what you are willing change. Only you can do that. But any one of the following will work-FYI. In other words, do one of these consistently and you will lose weight!

• Will it be different eating habits?
• Will it be a different fitness routine?
• Will you give up driving and walk, bike, or run everywhere?
• Will you stop eating dairy products?
• Will you stop eating meat?
• Will you stop eating processed foods?
• Will you vow to not eat after 7:30pm every night?
• Will you give up alchohol?
• Do you have other areas of your life where you're disciplined?
• Can you develop disciplined behavior?
• How badly do you want it?
• Are you willing to devote time to it?

Professional ancers are considered some of the world's finest athletes. Physical endurance training six day a week all day year round necessitates learning about the body, specifically your body. Everyone is wired differently but we know what we want and what we don't want. Or do we? The discipline required to study an art form is unique in this culture but anyone can master their own mind but not without effort.

1. First develop a plan (or follow someone elses)
2. Find a buddy, a partner, or supportive confidant to hold you accountable
3. Follow the plan
4. Achieve results

So we see the process is simple to understand, uncomplicated to devise, BUT (there's alway a but, and yes, you will always have a butt) discipline is the magic element.  If I told you this bottle of 500 pills I'm giving you would drop the pounds, you'd take the pills consistently, wouldn't you? And hopefully you've disciplined yourself to brush your teeth each night before bed. So yes- if you want it bad enough, you'll do it. Otherwise, accept yourself the way you are and stop whining.

Which Virtue Is Most Needed in Today's Society?

According to Maya Angelou, speaking at the Greenville, South Carolina Peace Center in April, 2007...

"Without courage, you can't practice the other virtues".

The Purposeful Life

A friend sent an exercise intended to discover your true life's purpose.

• Get a piece of paper and write 'A purposeful life includes (you fill in the blank)'
• On the next line, write 'A purposeful life includes ( another thought or action)'
• Continue in this manner
• Instructions suggested writing until you cried, and your mission would become clear.

After several pages and no tears, I gave up on the exercise. I later decided that living a purposeful life might be more important to me than knowing my true life's purpose, since that didn't seem available at this time anyway.


For me, living a purposeful life includes a clear understanding of priorities, which changes regularly of course. With so much demanding our time and attention- community, our spiritual quest, career, family, financial necessities, and our health- it is critical to spend our time and energy wisely. All teachers and sages suggest a regular time each day of setting priorities, seeking clarity, and reviewing intentions.

Architect Sarah Susanka, author of The Not So Big House has written another book, The Not So Big Life: Making Room For What Really Matters. She writes "The real living is being there completely in whatever we're doing..", which is difficult to do if we are torn in many directions with unclear priorities.


Clarity is a precious thing, and however we can manage that in our busy lives, it's worth the effort. This seems to be yet one more instance where age and experience is a blessing. It's more clear now than when I was in my 20s and 30s where my energy is best directed, how to gracefully say no to a distraction I don't need, and why to be spontaneous. But that is less about age than about the practices I've adopted that require an effortful focus on my values, my priorities, and my spirit.

Love Only You

Thanks to my friend Tawni for sending me the following:

Love Only You

Love only you.
Take all the love you want to give to
others, and share it with yourself.
There is no need or purpose to try
and love anybody else.
When you truly love yourself, you will inevitably
resonate love for everyone and everything.
Love cannot be bounded as a gift and then given.
Rather, love is limitless freedom and can only be
expressed, and this sole expression comes from
you loving you.

from The Resting Sage (2006)
by Chad Christopher Cobb

Disasters, Big and Small

Integrity seems to be a concept that we humans need to reassess and examine on a fairly regular basis to determine if we are truly functioning within our boundaries and those established by our community. But as we strive for a life of inner peace, we need to shine the bright light of introspection on the following questions:

*Does this decision enable my highest potential?
*Is this my best I have to offer?
*Am I giving 100% and if not, why?
*Are my actions in keeping with my values?
*Will I be proud of my conduct tomorrow, next week, next year?
*What are my other options in this situation?
*Would I be proud of my children if they reacted this way? (personal favorite)

These questions are worth examining. Otherwise we are left with the fall out of our bad decisions, viewed from near and far as those we don't want to claim. To truly take responsibility for our behavior, the filter needs to do a good job of considering all sides of an issue. We are then able to act rather than react.

Mistakes are bound to happen, life is filled with inevitable pain, and hearts will be broken. But we can prepare ourselves with an introspection practice that supports our values, and a lifestyle that honors our worth.

Growth is incremental for us all. Teachers are everywhere. The willingness to hear the lessons is all we need in order to follow the enlightened path.

Discipline

I rise each morning before dawn, prepare a cup of tea, and sit on my meditation cushion. Whatever happens after that is inconsequential. I've made the most important decision of the day. Or should I say, I avoided giving myself the choice of not showing up.

Discipline- an activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill...this is almost a foreign concept in our world today, yet we have these expectations of ourselves that we will regularly __, ___, and ___ (you fill in the blanks). But disciplining ourselves to exercise regularly, or eat properly, or take time for ourselves, etc, refers to imposing our will, and if you're commitment is weak, you can expect yourself to fall below your expectations.

For years, I have been trying to change habituated patterns that don't serve me well. For awhile, it seemed like every time I opened a book, a magazine, put in a CD, or heard a wise speaker, the subject of will came up. It was spooky!! Finally I realized that this was a lesson I needed to learn...DUH. And even though my training as a dancer has served me very well in committing to daily rituals and routines, making the best choice in every situation remains a challenge.

The will is like any muscle apparently, and needs to be exercised on a regular basis. This is how it becomes strong and serves you. Ironically, discipline seems to require eliminating the choice and just doing.

Giving Reverence

It's springtime in Minnesota, and it seems there's no better time to witness the abundance around us. The sage wisdom outside my haven inspires all that I write here, and due credit is given. And all of the other teachers in my life, too many to mention, are with me here today and every day. I give reverence to the Divine teacher, the saints and healers that guide me, and the pure and holy teachings themselves.

 I have disciplined myself to begin each day with meditation, prayer, reflection, and gratitude...except when I don't. Often I am distracted and ungrounded and simply go through the motions, knowing that it's better than doing nothing at all. At several periods in my life, I have felt my tools are not serving me as well as they could, but I never question the methods. I realize it's the practitioner and not the practice itself.

I am off to spend some time with my 15 yr old daughter, my truest test of patience and love. Someday, when I am old and crabby, our roles will be reversed.